I'll Be Your, If You Be My
by Jae Ar
Summary: M/R Slight slash, nothing graphic. What happens when our boys face a tragedy? What is the logical way to cope?


**AN: I think I have a thing for M/R stories where Reid is the hero. I don't know where the idea for this story popped into my head, but at first it was much longer, and included more of the team. I've loaded this as a complete one shot, but there are more ideas stiring in my head. Let me know if you would like to see more.**

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He awoke with his body feeling heavy and in pain. His mind was fuzzy like he had been drugged. He could hear movement and voices in the distance, but they were indiscernible. Derek Morgan was going to have to force his eyelids open if was going to get out of this confused state, but opening his eyelids proved to be difficult. After a few tries he heard a soft comforting female voice saying, "Derek, come on. Open your eyes, Baby."

After a more futile attempts Derek found himself staring up at the ceiling of a hospital room. Then the owner of the voice came into view and he groaned, "Ma?"

"Shh, Baby. You don't have to talk. You're coming out of a coma. Things might be fuzzy, but you don't have to push yourself."

Derek pondered what had happened, but nothing came to mind. He finally asked, "Why? What happened?"

"There was an explosion in your apartment. You've suffered some head and spinal trauma."

The news of an explosion in the apartment alerted Derek and he quickly asked about his lover and housemate, "Spencer?"

"He's okay. He has suffered some third degree burns. They are cleaning his wounds right now, but the two of you are sharing a room. You can see him in just a little while."

"Why are you here?"

"You're team is investigating the explosion. It was a deliberate attack on you and Spencer. They called me to care for you two, so that they can concentrate on the case."

"Spinal injury? I can't feel my legs. I'll never walk again?"

"Oh Baby, I'm so sorry. There is still some swelling of your spine, so they don't the extent of the damage, but no, you probably will never walk again."

"Tell me about Spencer's injuries."

"Derek, this is all so much. Why don't you rest and take this in smaller doses?"

"No Mama, I need to know."

"Spencer has severe burns from the waste up on his right side. He's lost all sight in his right eye, and has sustained significant damage to his left eye. He's going to need skin grafts to his chest arm and scalp."

"What do you know about the bomb?"

"It was a pressure release bomb that was placed under your side of the bed. It looks like you got out of bed in the middle of the night. The force pushed you and parts of the bed frame across the room while the rest of the bed ignited and burned."

Derek's brow furrowed as he tried to take in all his mother had told him. It didn't seem real, and it was making his head hurt. Fran Morgan watched the turmoil in her son's eyes. She grasped his hand and tried to convey strength to him. Derek was in shock. His mother knew that once everything truly sank in her son would crumble. She knew this because she had crumbled numerous times since she had learned that her son and her son-in-law's lives had drastically changed forever.

"Derek, Honey, why don't you close your eyes and get some rest. You don't have to worry about all of this just yet. I'm here to do the worrying, you rest and heal."

"I need to see Spencer."

"I know. I'll wake you as soon as they bring him in."

"I'll wait."

"Can I call your team and tell them you are awake?"

"Not yet."

"They are worried about you."

"I know, but not yet. This is too much, Mama."

"I know, Baby. I know. Talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking."

"I can't walk and Spencer can't see and someone did this to us. Someone was in our home. It doesn't feel real."

"That's okay because soon enough it will feel real and that's when your fight begins."

The conversation was then interrupted by orderlies pushing a bed into the room, which contained an unconscious Spencer Reid. Derek called out to him, but the orderlies told him that Spencer had been sedated because of the pain of cleaning his wounds. So Derek began taking in his lover's new appearance. The hospital gown that Spencer wore only covered the left side of his body. The right side was covered in white mesh bandages that let air to the shiny skin that was various shades of red and pink. There were bandages on Spencer's face, and Derek could see where some of Spencer's hair had burned away.

Derek's breathing began to pick up. He was hyperventilating. Quickly Fran began to soothe him and convince him to steady his breathing. "Derek, Baby, don't get yourself so worked up. It isn't as bad as it looks. Spencer will tell you that just as soon as he wakes up."

Derek stared straight into his mother's eyes as he calmed himself down. Fran could see the exhaustion mixed with the anxiety in her son's eyes. So she told him, "You've seen Spencer as much as you can now. Will you close your eyes and rest now? I will wake you when Spencer wakes."

Derek nodded his head and closed his eyes. He let the heaviness overtake him again. He didn't wake again until the sunlight had left the room and there was a dim light in the room from a lamp. He heard a whimper of pain and he turned to look at Spencer. He could see his mother standing at Spencer's bedside trying to soothe him, but he continued to cry. Fran Morgan handed Spencer something and said, "Here Sweetie. Take your pain button."

Spencer's response was, "No, please, I don't want it."

"Spencer we've talked about this. It's okay. It's okay to take the medicine."

"No, please, I don't want it. I don't want it."

Derek watched his mother deflate as she made the decision to press the button to administer pain medication to Spencer. Derek watched the pain fall away from Spencer's face and he fell back to sleep. Derek got his mother's attention be asking, "What kind of medication is he on?"

"He is on a morphine pump."

"No!"

"Let me explain. When the two of you were first brought to the hospital Aaron had to make the hard quick decisions. It looked like the two of you would die, and he didn't want there to be pain. So he allowed them to administer morphine to Spencer. He had some explaining to do, and they came to the compromise of the pump so Spencer could control it."

"But he just had a flashback."

"He's had a couple when the pain is overwhelming. He won't remember in the morning."

Derek squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to stifle his emotions, but he failed and let out a loud sob that brought his mother close to his side. She held her son as he released his emotions until he fell back asleep.

Morning came and Derek awoke finding his hand being held by the familiar lanky fingers of his lover. Before he even opened his eyes he asked, "Spencer, what are you doing out of bed?"

"As long as I'm not in pain, I can be up. This is where I've spent my mornings the last week or so. Fran told me you woke up yesterday, and I nearly jumped out of bed."

"But you didn't wake me up?"

"I made myself be patient for a little longer. How are you feeling?"

"I'm a lot less fuzzy than I was yesterday, but still very numb."

"That's the spinal block they've given you to allow you to heal, and hopefully get a greater range of motion."

"How are you, Pretty Boy?"

"Well, I don't imagine I'm much of a pretty boy anymore, but I can't see to find out."

"You are always my pretty boy. No matter what happens. You hear me? Now tell me are you in a lot of pain? Mama told me about the pump. Are you using it enough?"

"Sometimes."

"What about the other times?"

"Sometimes I think about using it for the wrong reasons, and I just want to rip it out of my arm. I end up not using it for a while."

"I'm so sorry, Spencer."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. This isn't your fault. It's not Hotch's for making this impossible decision. It's not mine for getting stuck in my head. It's just happened and we'll learn to live with it."

"What happens next? How do we learn to live with this?"

"First we continue to heal. I'll probably have two more surgeries, and you'll have another surgery on your back. Then we will be moved to a rehab facility. Fran and I have researched some places in Chicago, so that she can still be near. I thought it would be nice to get away while we learn to live new lives."

"How are so you strong and wise?"

"I've had a bit longer to let this sink in. You've been asleep for ten days. I've been awake in pain more than asleep during that time."

"I'm scared Spencer. Why does it feel like my world is imploding?"

"It's because a lot has changed very quickly, but it's not imploded."

"Spencer, you can't see. I can't walk. Do we have a home to live in? What happens with the BAU? How's Clooney? What if I can't make love with you anymore? Too much is up in the air. My world is imploding."

Derek was breathing hard, and tears were falling down his face. Spencer felt his way to Derek's face and caressed the tears away saying, "I'm scared too Derek. There are a lot of questions unanswered. There's a high likelihood that I will never see and you will never walk, but as I said first, we have to heal. We don't know anything until we are healed. I might have some sight, and you might have some movement.

"Our jobs at the BAU are being held. Hotch wants us on the team in whatever capacity we are able. If he needs to he will bring in another agent for the field, if we have to stay at the station. We will learn ways to adapt, all of us, the team included. Maybe you'll learn what it's like to be Garcia's bitch for once."

They both tried to smile before Derek asked, "What about our home? Clooney?"

"Clooney was in the living room. He's safe and being spoiled by Garcia. Really the only room that was damaged was the bedroom, and the insurance company has already inspected the damage and cut us a check. Reconstruction will begin next week. I already told Fran the furniture that I want ordered. I wanted it to be something that I had seen, and I wanted to surprise you with our new space to be together. And we will be together no matter if you can function below the waist or not. I love you for many reasons, and physical love is only one small part. I love you even if we are abstinent."

"Thank you, Spencer. I love you so much. You are the only one who can calm me."

"I have one concern that I'm afraid won't calm you."

"What is it? Get it all on the table."

"I know you told Fran not to call the team yet. You said that you aren't ready for them. But the girls come and eat lunch with us everyday, and if I told them not to come they would definitely know something was up."

Derek let out a small chuckle before replying, "That's nothing to worry about Pretty Boy. I think I'm ready to see them. Better to bare Garcia's wrath that I'm awake and she didn't know, now rather than later."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Spencer said, "Speak of devils." He then shouted, "Come in."

Instead of JJ and Garcia, Hotch and Rossi walked through the door. Making their presence known to Spencer, Hotch said, "I hope you aren't disappointed, Spencer, but Dave and I decided to be your mid-day entertainment today."

Having not yet been noticed, Derek replied, "Looks like I escaped Garcia's wrath a bit longer, Pretty Boy."

With shocked eyes Rossi asked, "Derek, when did you rejoin us?"

"Last night. Mama was here. I asked her not to call you guys just yet. I had a lot to take in. But I'm glad you are here now. When you get back to the office, will you let the girls know?"

Hotch was pulling a chair up to Derek's bed next to Spencer saying, "Of course we will. I might wait until the day is almost over, so they don't just drop everything and head over here. How are you feeling, Derek?"

"Numb, still a little fuzzy minded, and totally overwhelmed."

"Derek, I don't want to continue overwhelm you, but we came here hoping Spencer could answer some questions, but I think you will have better answers."

"Is this about the investigation?"

"It is. We have a suspect in custody, but he's not talking. You know him probably better than anyone."

"Who is it?"

"James Barfield."

"James? No."

"He's been in the area for over three weeks now. Did you have any contact with him before the explosion?"

"No, I haven't had any contact since Spencer and I were in Chicago for Christmas."

"He has made some anti-homosexual comments. Was he aware of your relationship with Spencer?"

"No. The first night we were home I was tossing the football with James and talking. He's still having trouble coping with Buford, and made some comments about how disgusting homosexuals are. I tried to diffuse his anger, but I didn't want to push it in his face that one of his mentors was gay. I talked about it with Spencer, and we agreed to keep the PDA in the house, so we did for the entire trip."

"Derek... We didn't remember that last morning. We were going out to the market, and we made out for a minute on the front porch. We held hands walking to the store."

"Oh God, he could have seen us then. He did do this, didn't he?"

"The internet-history on his phone shows that he looked up how to make a pressure release bomb."

"That's the phone I pay for. I should have talked to him more. I shouldn't have just left his comments open ended like I did. I'm sorry, Spencer. I'm so sorry this is entirely my fault. He was coming after me."

Spencer stood to get closer to Derek saying, "It's not your fault at all. Baby, you have to calm down."

"No. No. Don't touch me get away from me. I don't deserve you go away. You two get out of here too. Leave me alone."

"Baby, we'll leave, but you have to calm down. Okay?"

Derek slightly nodded as he turned his head away from the three men in the room. Hotch and Rossi stood from their seats. Hotch asked, "Reid, would you like us to escort you to the cafeteria for lunch, and to give Morgan some time alone?"

"Um... Yeah... Sure. Will you be okay Derek?"

There was no answer, so Spencer stood, grabbed his IV pole and followed the two men out of the room. Derek lay in bed brooding over this horrible incident that ruined his life and the life of the person he loved most in the world. Eventually he fell asleep. The next thing he knew he was being awoken by his mother coming into the room. Both Derek and his mother looked to Spencer, who was lying in bed with an ear bud in his uninjured ear, apparently asleep. Fran Morgan looked at her son and said, "I didn't expect the two of you to separate once you woke up."

"I... Umm... I yelled at him. We got some news today, and I didn't take it well. They know who did this to us. It was James Barfield. I think he was angry at our relationship. I knew he was having trouble accepting homosexuals. I should have talked to him more about it. I should have introduced him to Spencer, and shown him that two men together can be about love and not about the disgusting feeling of abuse. This is entirely my fault. I don't deserve to never walk again because I wasn't enough of a mentor. And more than anything Spencer doesn't deserve his life so drastically ruined for lying in bed with me. He was just in bed with me, Mama. He doesn't deserve this. It's my stupid fault."

Derek was once again sobbing and he felt the side of his bed dip down. Then he felt a small weight on he chest. He saw the long fingers of Spencer's hand tentatively reaching to his face to wipe his tears. He could hear Spencer's soothing words, "This is in no way your fault Derek Morgan. You didn't do anything wrong. I don't blame you at all. And I want you to know that I truly believe that our lives have been changed, but not ruined. I love so much Derek. Please, please don't beat yourself up about this. There's too much else to worry about. You can't take the blame as your burden."

Derek's sobs turned into weeps as he buried his face into Spencer's hair. He wanted to hold onto Spencer, but didn't want to hurt him. He made a quiet sob and said, "Spencer." Spencer shot up thinking something was wrong and asked, "What is it Derek? Are you okay?"

"I need... I need to hold you, but I don't know where to put my hands so I don't hurt you."

Spencer smiled slightly before putting his head back on Derek's chest. He searched for Derek's arm and placed it around the left side of his waist. Derek squeezed and held Spencer tight. Spencer sighed before saying, "I laid like this a lot while you were unconscious. I just wanted your arms around me. This is all I've wanted for weeks now. In this moment, I'm confident that everything will be okay."

Fran Morgan, who had been watching in awe as Spencer was able to tame the wild beasts known as her son's emotion, then broke into the conversation saying, "I'm going to give you two some time alone. I'll be back before the doctor comes by on his rounds. Do you boys need anything?"

Spencer replied, "Do you think I could have some coffee that isn't watered down, Fran?"

"Of course. I'll walk across the street to that coffee shop."

The two laid in silence for a long time. Finally Derek asked, "Can I ask you a question Pretty Boy? And it might sound condescending, but I really don't mean it to be."

"What is it Baby?"

"How are you strong through all of this? Usually I'm the one with all of the reason and comfort?"

"Well, there are several possibilities. It could be that I've had more time to come to terms with everything. I mean I don't really remember much of the first week. But then I spent a good three or four days in near hysterics. And then the last week coming to terms and building hope.

"It could be that every situation requires an Alpha. You are a stereotypical Alpha Male, and you always are there to lead and care for your pack. But this time you weren't available, so I had to stand up to the task.

"Then there's the logic of the situation. You know I've spent a great deal of talking about this, and I think I have it figured out. But it's also something that you might take offense to, so if I tell you, will you promise to not be upset."

"I don't think I could be upset with you right now. Tell me how logically this will be okay."

"Well worse case scenario, I have absolutely no sight and you have no mobility. I figure that I still have legs and you still have eyes. I can push a wheel chair and you just have let me know about the hazards in the way. And if one of us falls we both fall. But I'll be your legs if you be my eyes."


End file.
